Chapter 11 The Scenario PREVIEW Feedback
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[Last edited Oct 10, 2017 23:41:48]
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To his friend a man
a friend shall prove,
To him and the friend of his friend;
But never a man
shall friendship make
With one of his foeman's friends.
--Havamal
To his friend a man
a friend shall prove,
To him and the friend of his friend;
But never a man
shall friendship make
With one of his foeman's friends.
--Havamal
page
1
7 replies
The page numbers here are from the full core rulebook pdf but start at the beginning of the chapter
PG 347, "Eastern Shem MAP" - "Path of Sabatus' Army" should be Satabus'
PG 347, "Eastern Shem MAP" - "Path of Sabatus' Army" should be Satabus'
[Last edited Dec 14, 2016 21:20:25]
PG 348 "with vultures circling above and landing to feed on the bodies. Vultures are cawing and beginning to circle above." Last sentence seems awkward.
PG 348, right under the art placeholder: "his knights took the royal caravan, and a successful Average
(D2) Survival test is enough to track them into the foothills." -> Average difficulty is (D1)
PG 348 "Shemitish calvary patrols" -> cavalry
PG 349, in the looting description: "without duress: possibly requiring an Average (D2) Discipline test" -> Average test is (D1)
PG 348, right under the art placeholder: "his knights took the royal caravan, and a successful Average
(D2) Survival test is enough to track them into the foothills." -> Average difficulty is (D1)
PG 348 "Shemitish calvary patrols" -> cavalry
PG 349, in the looting description: "without duress: possibly requiring an Average (D2) Discipline test" -> Average test is (D1)
PG 352 "precedence over any feelings of love, and that twins’ ruse" -> ", and that the twins' ruse"
PG 356, Is the Observation test required to spot the great white Ophirian stallion necessary, or is it an opportunity to generate momentum for the PCs?
PG 356, The Chittering Swarm, 2nd paragraph: "They pulled them from his warhorse and fired arrows" -> They pulled him down and then shot him with arrows?
PG 356, The Chittering Swarm, 4th paragraph: "They were men, but were not men," -> Intended phrase?
PG 356, 2nd to last sentence: "both watching as the terror grisly tableau unfolded before them." -> "both watching IN terror AS THE gristly tableau unfolded..."
PG 358, Step Into Darkness, 1st paragraph: "Following this trail takes the player characters through stone arches and into a ruined building, where a jagged hole in the floor leads into the earth. Rough-carved steps descend into pitch darkness. It was once some sort of reservoir, but now there is a jagged hole in the floor, a passage down beneath the earth, rough-carved steps leading into pitch darkness." -> Two versions of the same sentence
PG 358, Step Into Darkness, 4th paragraph: "or to pursue the ghouls into a subterranean tunnels," -> singular tunnel
PG 359, 1st paragraph, last sentence: "Stygian princess’" -> "Stygian princess’s" -> proper possessive
PG 359, 3rd paragraph: "The gamemaster is encouraged to improvise this portion of the adventure, if desired, adding potential hazards in the form of crumbling walls, unstable terrain, and cover behind with Shemitish enemies might use bows against the player characters." -> fix the phrase "and cover behind with"
PG 361, Throne of Bones, 1st paragraph: "The magnificent throne of the king of Zuhal-sar is set with gold, lapis lazuli, and other precious metals, and alongside it are four smaller thrones, those of the king’s royal consorts. Now all are besmirched with foulness and verdigris" -> This may be overly particular, but only copper, brass, and bronze oxidize to produce verdigris. Who cares?
PG 361, The Main Course, 1st paragraph: "...is the entry to into the temple of four of their number from elsewhere in the temple" -> Review the sentence, perhaps "...is the entry into the temple by a pack of four ghouls from elsewhere in the temple"
PG 361, The Main Course, 2nd paragraph: "The ghoul’s chanting" -> "The ghouls' chanting"
PG 362, 1st sentence: "a stinking wind wails from out of the pit" -> "a stinking wind wailing from out of the pit"
PG 362, The map's title refers to Zuhal-sar as Zuhal-saar
PG 363, Battling the Unspeakable, 3rd paragraph: "Killing the charnel will cause" -> "Killing the charnel GOD will cause"
PG 364, last sentence, "privileged guests the house of" -> "privileged guests OF the house of"
PG 365, A Note On Sources, "Readers might notice that is featured in Smith’s story" -> review sentence... (great way to proffer further reading... "The Charnel God" is a fantastic story)
PG 356, The Chittering Swarm, 2nd paragraph: "They pulled them from his warhorse and fired arrows" -> They pulled him down and then shot him with arrows?
PG 356, The Chittering Swarm, 4th paragraph: "They were men, but were not men," -> Intended phrase?
PG 356, 2nd to last sentence: "both watching as the terror grisly tableau unfolded before them." -> "both watching IN terror AS THE gristly tableau unfolded..."
PG 358, Step Into Darkness, 1st paragraph: "Following this trail takes the player characters through stone arches and into a ruined building, where a jagged hole in the floor leads into the earth. Rough-carved steps descend into pitch darkness. It was once some sort of reservoir, but now there is a jagged hole in the floor, a passage down beneath the earth, rough-carved steps leading into pitch darkness." -> Two versions of the same sentence
PG 358, Step Into Darkness, 4th paragraph: "or to pursue the ghouls into a subterranean tunnels," -> singular tunnel
PG 359, 1st paragraph, last sentence: "Stygian princess’" -> "Stygian princess’s" -> proper possessive
PG 359, 3rd paragraph: "The gamemaster is encouraged to improvise this portion of the adventure, if desired, adding potential hazards in the form of crumbling walls, unstable terrain, and cover behind with Shemitish enemies might use bows against the player characters." -> fix the phrase "and cover behind with"
PG 361, Throne of Bones, 1st paragraph: "The magnificent throne of the king of Zuhal-sar is set with gold, lapis lazuli, and other precious metals, and alongside it are four smaller thrones, those of the king’s royal consorts. Now all are besmirched with foulness and verdigris" -> This may be overly particular, but only copper, brass, and bronze oxidize to produce verdigris. Who cares?
PG 361, The Main Course, 1st paragraph: "...is the entry to into the temple of four of their number from elsewhere in the temple" -> Review the sentence, perhaps "...is the entry into the temple by a pack of four ghouls from elsewhere in the temple"
PG 361, The Main Course, 2nd paragraph: "The ghoul’s chanting" -> "The ghouls' chanting"
PG 362, 1st sentence: "a stinking wind wails from out of the pit" -> "a stinking wind wailing from out of the pit"
PG 362, The map's title refers to Zuhal-sar as Zuhal-saar
PG 363, Battling the Unspeakable, 3rd paragraph: "Killing the charnel will cause" -> "Killing the charnel GOD will cause"
PG 364, last sentence, "privileged guests the house of" -> "privileged guests OF the house of"
PG 365, A Note On Sources, "Readers might notice that is featured in Smith’s story" -> review sentence... (great way to proffer further reading... "The Charnel God" is a fantastic story)
[Last edited Dec 14, 2016 21:08:36]
Great starter adventure! I will run it soon since I've gone over it to great lengths!
Ooops! One more!
PG 347, "Eastern Shem MAP" -> "Ruins of Zuhuk-Sar" should be changed, probably the old version of the name -> Zuhal-sar
PG 347, "Eastern Shem MAP" -> "Ruins of Zuhuk-Sar" should be changed, probably the old version of the name -> Zuhal-sar
Thanks for all the feedback! I'm not sure how this got overlooked*, but all feedback has been noted and will be integrated into the core book before printing.
* A white lie... we're all pretty slammed getting Wave 1 ready to go to press, so it's easy to see how it got missed.
* A white lie... we're all pretty slammed getting Wave 1 ready to go to press, so it's easy to see how it got missed.
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